Disasters From the Kitchen: Pizza Edition
Fri, 10/10/2008
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October is National Pizza Month, and what better way to celebrate than by making it at home? But it’s not much of a celebration if you accidentally set fire to your house or end up having to chisel the pizza off your oven rack or … well, let’s just stick to the 10 things most likely to send you screaming to your favorite pizzeria.
#10 - Using the wrong flour in your pizza dough. You can use all-purpose, bread, or whole wheat flour, or you can be mega-authentic and buy Tipo 00 pizza flour, but avoid cake flour or other low-gluten flours. Whatever recipe you’re using, pay attention to the kind of flour it recommends. Don’t just grab the nearest white powdery substance in your pantry, especially if that happens to be confectioner’s sugar.
#9 - Using old yeast in your pizza dough. Whether you buy active dry yeast or instant yeast, read the “use by” date on the package. If someone’s sadistically scribbled this out with a Sharpie, a good rule of thumb is to keep yeast around no more than 1-2 weeks. Keep it cool and dry or your pizza dough will turn into a cracker.
#8 – Oven’s not hot enough. Commercial pizza ovens can fire it up to 900 degrees. Fortunately you don’t need to go that far, but generally a pizza bakes best at 400-500 degrees Fahrenheit. If you’ve lost your oven’s manual or you’re super-paranoid about your hot box, start preheating your oven 15-20 minutes before sliding that pie inside.
#7 - Trying to cut the pizza with the wrong knife. It’s not the sharpest knife on the block that’ll cut you. It’s the dull knife, or the unevenly sharpened knife that’ll betray you. A pizza wheel is not only traditional but zippy. If you don’t have a pizza wheel, or if you’re making super-Chicago-style deep-dish pan pizza that’s too macho for a pizza wheel, use a chef’s knife or other strong, sharp blade.
#6 - Piling on too many toppings. If you overload the pie, it won’t cook all the way through. Yes, even though you’re going to be getting your oven NASA-ripping hot, there are limits. Residential ovens only have so much oomph, and so “NASA-ripping hot” isn’t going to be hot enough to cook through a bajillion layers of pizza toppings. Also, the pizza crust could get soggy and mushy, and if there’s one thing Chicago-style and New Yorker-style pizza lovers agree on, it’s that soggy, mushy crust is disgusting.
#5 - Using the wrong toppings. More on this over at Grocery School, but in short, fresh tomatoes shouldn’t be placed on the pizza early on because all that water will gush out over your pizza, leading to soggy mushy crust and other disgusting things. Make sure your ingredients are sliced or diced so that they’ll cook thoroughly.
#4 - Buying bad ingredients. Garbage in, garbage out, people. Buy craptastic ingredients and you’ll get craptastic pizza, and probably a hideous smell in your kitchen.
#3 - Not having the right kind of pizza pan. It doesn’t have to be round. It doesn’t have to be metal if you’d rather go gourmet and get a pizza stone. But it does have to be big enough for the pizza crust, including enough space for the pizza dough to puff up and rise if you’re using an especially yeasty recipe. It also should be strong enough to take the weight of the pizza. As with ingredients, if you buy something craptastic, you’ll regret it.
#2 - Pulling a stupid with your pizza stone. First of all, you don’t have to spend lots of money to get a good pizza stone. An unglazed terra cotta tile will do. (Glaze does matter—glazes often contain lead, and poisoning yourself or your guests is a lousy way to observe National Pizza Month.) Second, a pizza stone is porous, part of what makes it an ideal baking surface for pizza. But there’s a downside to this, and that is it’ll soak in any detergent you squirt on it. Just wash it with water. Finally, always place your pizza stone in a cold oven and then kick on the heat. Unless you want to spend an evening picking hot shrapnel out of your oven.
#1 - Trying to toss the dough when you've only seen it done on sitcoms. Sitcoms are not quality infotainment, though this may end up being a great party trick if your guests are watching.
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